I never thought I would be here. I tell my daughter that life is a beautiful thing, but part of that is going forward with a plan, and working it to be in your favor every step of the way. I talk like it is a book -- not an everyday time. Her day is school, afterschool, homework, play rehearsal, trying to get in some tv time, dinner, avoiding going to bed, crashing asleep, and then it gets to start all over again. she looks for little lights .. little excitements shining in front of her. I try to throw them out there - I feel like my biggest job is to make sure her life is as good as it can be. She is a great girl, she fills my heart.
It is hard to do this in the light of the big hammer that comes down every once in awhile. And sometimes I am just trying to keep my head above water.
I know that my job was to make sure that she got what she deserved, that she was properly put on a pedestal and that all those who loved her were able to come and show that. But then what about me... I need to allow myself to take some solace in the fact that I know she appreciated it. Sometimes I think I am here to effect others lives more than have my own life effected.
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